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Tenacity of the Cockroach

Tenacity of the Cockroach The Onion
A.V. Club's

first book assembles 68 of its best interviews with entertainment's most enduring outsiders.
More information

November 17, 2004 Volume 40 Issue 46
 say something funny

Mitch Fatel

Mitch Fatel
The Onion: What is funny?

Mitch Fatel: No matter how old I get, seeing a girl's breasts is still just as thrilling as it was when I was 13. I have always had a fascination with women.

At a very young age, I realized that I was more comfortable playing with them than I was with boys. During recess, while the others played dodgeball and red rover, I played house with the girls. Back in class, I would find myself confused as the dodgeball boys told me I was gay for playing with girls. They spent recess throwing big red balls at each other's faces while I was getting to second base with my "wives," but somehow I was the gay one.

I do have to concede that, growing up, I did have a more feminine side than most boys. To this day, I cry more than any guy I know. I wish I could say it was at profound stuff like global warming or Hillary Clinton's voice, but the truth is that Titanic left me wrecked for days.

Also, unlike other men, I've yet to jump on the big lesbian bandwagon that everybody seems to adore lately. For reasons beyond me, lesbianism has somehow attained holy proportions. Honestly, it just doesn't turn me on that much. Call me old-fashioned, but I'd much rather see someone from my own team scoring a touchdown.

Plus, should we really be encouraging behavior that sells us as expendable? Guys: Wake up. Once women realize they can have an orgasm and then talk about shoes, we're history.

Answer submitted via e-mail. Mitch Fatel is a stand-up comic and a correspondent for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno. His new CD, Miniskirts And Muffins, is available at

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